Influence-Mom & Dad Style

We get a lot from our parents.

The color of our hair and eyes.

The DNA that predicts our future health.

And for most of us, our first influences.

As I reflect on the most powerful influences in my life, it becomes clear that the fundamentals shaping me were forged at home.

• I am fiercely Loyal, (but you can push me away). I will fight for what I believe in.

• If I (you) make a committment, keep it.

• Show up on time, that's an easy thing to do.

• You are not "owed" or "entitled to" anything. Be personally responsible. Don't be a "victim".

• Give back, be charitable with your time, talents and money.

• Nothing matters more than Faith, Family and Friends.

After you read this, I would love to hear what you learned at home.

My dad grew up in the coal mining camps of northwest Alabama. He was a good baseball player who was drafted into World War II. By all accounts his family of five kids was poor and lived in company owned housing. The mines wore his father down, my grandfater would die from the effects of breathing coal dust before he was 60 leaving my grandmother on a miners pension.

My mom grew up in a farm house in the same county as my dad. As a farm girl her upbringing was different than my dad's, she would tell you they were rich because they had land on which to raise their six children.

My dad was smart, he was very good at math. That would keep him out of combat. he continued to play some camp baseball while he trained as a Tech Sargent, all that ended when he was shipped to the pacific theater.

My mom was smart and beautiful. She was a few years younger than dad and spent World War II wrapping bandages for the troops while attending business college. To do that she left the farm and stayed in town with a brother.

After the war, Charles and Betty ran into each other and my dad asked her out. Following a courtship they were married.

My dad used the GI Bill to gain certification as an electrician. He continued to work in the mills around our town but the certification improved his job status, it also provided a skill for extra work on evenings, weekends and when the plants would slow down or shut down for a period.

My mom created a home, connections in the community and church and raised our family of three children. Almost all of our extended family was within 20 minutes of our home so she spent time caring for extended family. Later in life she would start a business that she would operate until she died.

My parents didn't hold class, there was only one plaque sharing words of advice on the kitchen wall, we learned by example. We went to work with our folks, for my brother and me that meant going on job sites and doing electrical or construction work. Dad often had these second jobs and you would go to school, practice your sport, then show up for a few hours of work follwed by homework.

From all that, this is what I learned:

-Be Fiercely Loyal and fight for what you believe in.

If my dad was on your side, you were the best and he would tell the world. At one point he campaigned and raised funds for politicians. My parents would support and stand by friends and family against all odds. As I grew older, I did not want to disappoint my parents so I learned to be honest and take my medicine. Thier support was valuable. Near the end of my dad's life we were talking about a few deceased family members who had a rough life, it was amazing to listen to him point out their good traits.

But, loyalty can go both ways. Once my dad believed his union and his politicians no longer supported what was important to him, he moved on.

-If you make a Commitment keep it.

This sounds so simple but it is the slippery slop so many of us slide down. When someone asks for your help, don't say yes unless you are going to keep your word.

My mom never complained, when she had committed her help off she went with a smile on her face and often a song on her lips.

My dad might complain a little if he had to abandon a fishing trip, but he still kept the commitment and when he arrived to help someone out, he made them beleive this was the most important item on his to do list.

-Show up on time.

Perhaps the easiest thing to do in life is to show up on time. When you're late it shows disrespect. It often leaves other people waiting and negatively impacts their day. And it suggests that you are poor at deadlines and organization.

Both my parents believed in this, my mom believed you should show up early and prepared. I assume she learned some of this in business school and some in her farm family.

-You are not Owed/Entitled. Don't be a victim.

This is so important, if you believe you are a victim and entitled to... you will never control your own destiny. You have decided that your happiness is dependent on someone else.

If you work hard and are smart with your time and resources you will be rewarded. That is what my parents believed and taught by example.

There were many instances where they could have hired a lawyer and gone to court, but chose not to.

-Give Back, be Charitable.

My parents cared for their parents, cared for their siblings, care for friends and neighbors. Family members would live with us when they needed a place to stay.

They were intentional about their financial giving. They were not selfish. Later in life my mom opened a gift shop and would spend hours treaching and training. My dad taught at a trade school while working two jobs. My mom would feed anyone, my dad would teach anyone.

-Nothing Matters more than Faith, Family and Friends

We went to church, we went to funerals.

We prayed together, we ate togehter.

We laughed together, we cried together.

Our home was open to all sorts of folks, my mom would provide food, my dad would provide council (in his own style).

Faith was the centerpiece for us. We understood that faith provided hope that we would spend forever with our family and friends.

Earlier I mentioned that there were no mission statements on our walls, just a simple plaster of paris plaque quoting the prayer of serenity.

If you do not know the prayer look it up!

I look forward to your comments.